We get it on most every night...

One of us had a birthday recently. 

Katie Burch - With Bells On - 2011

Look, we had a party:

Other people have parties too. Sometimes our cold receptions at these have been unjustified. Other times, we deserved it. Follow our tips and see if you are received similarly. 


Before The Party 

• Having people round? Remove all pictures of past and present characters from the fridge. You don't want to reveal your secrets - It's embarrassing! 
• Invest in some party poppers. This isn't specifically a party tip, but we suggest you carry them with you at all times. We do. Use them to liven up boring situations, for example career talks or bus journeys.
• Make the centre-piece. Here's the Summer creation we made if you need inspiration:

Composition no. 14 'Centrepiece - Summer' - 2011.

• It's fine to name the sparkly bird. We named ours Charlie after a character we met at a party. Quaint isn't he?

• Make sure your guests know where to go and what they can expect from your party. Make a sign. You can print out our templates if you don't have time:

With Bells On - Champain Reception! - 2010

With Bells On - Fuck. Party This Way - 2011.

At the Party

• If it's your own bash, get the party started with some good 'meeting and greeting music'. We like:

• Know nothing about Drum and Bass? That's fine, it's shit. If you don't like the music DJ "Danny Byrd" is playing, request something you do like. You could request: Toploader - Dancing in the Moonlight. Don't take no for an answer! Be Tenacious - ask him thrice. 
• Feeling shunned from a party of 'ethical' people sitting on the floor? That's boring. Amuse yourself, obnoxiously.  Loud and inane chatter about your blog should sort this problem out!
• We've devised a quick and fun way to determine the personalities of a whole room full of people in an instant. Blare out the 1986 Casualty theme tune from Spotify. Stand back and watch the reactions. You'll soon know who is your 'type'.
• You want to egg his housemate? Tell him! Better still, tell him several times because you may be slurring.
• Don't worry about the fact they spent a long time making that Spotify playlist, they probably just forgot to include Toploader - Dancing in the Moonlight, so pop it on. Imagine yourself as one of Nigella Lawson's friends and enjoy a glimpse into the future, at your 30-something self.

Meeting New People - How To Deal With It

• Know their name from Facebook? Good start! Go and chat to them. Don't be afraid to use their middle name too.
• Help others to meet new people. Push them together with your hands and encourage them to embrace. Remember, be forceful if they are resisting.
• If you meet someone with a nationality that interests you, think of things associated with their country. Give them nickname options. A Greek man could be: Feta, Zeus or Trident. A Welsh man might be: Caerphilly Cheese, Sheepy, Gwasanaethau Cymdeithasol.
• When you add a new friend on Facebook, include a special message. We suggest picking an August Harrington Mallory quote [see 'Image and Word blog]. We like how luscious and tempting, great physiue, good firm and great skin tone, great balanced and strength, and it looks like you have a birthday coming up this year, well I have just the perfect giftcard for you, you look absolutely beautiful,

The Next Day

• Damage Control. You'll need to apologise for poking them on Facebook when you came home last night. We like to do ours in bed together, listening to folk music and laughing about Time and Thyme. We listen to 'Let No Man Steal Your Thyme' by Pentangle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwT0COKXFMM
• When you've seriously offended someone the night before, it is necessary to send them a nice song. If they're feeling as fragile as you they'll appreciate the softer, acoustic version of Toploader's Dancing in the Moonlight. 

Post us pictures of your parties or centre-pieces, and we'll rate them for you. Good luck! 

Ciao Ciao (Miao Miao)

xxx