Here's to you, Mrs Robinson!

Some people are clever.

                                        Raphael- The School of Athens- 1511

This section of Raphael's fresco shows:

• Aristotle telling Plato about the benefits of Ceramide R in shampoo.

• Pythagoras drawing a graph of some relationships he's had this year (that's where we got the idea to do ours).

• Heracilitus thinking about the properties of time and thyme.

We're clever too. Look, we graduated from university!

 

With Bells On - The Degree - 2011

With Bells On - Cin Cin! Glückwunsch! Iechyd da! - 2011

 With Bells On - The Times They Are A-Changin' - 2011

How did we do it? Read our study tips.

How to get a degree

• Make good notes in class then word process them. Write your sentences in clever, descriptive ways. Use ours as a reference:

 

• Don't be disheartened when you realise that Maths can make revision tricky. Here's one problem we encountered:

 Don't make this mistake! Keep a ruler, clock, calendar or calculator to hand when you study. We now use these tools to check the order of numbers.

•  Focused library sessions. Computers can be distracting. You may find yourself trawling through photos of fluffy kittens or videos of people falling over - we're only human.  To help avoid these distractions, we suggest using your screen for positive, encouraging imagery. We like this:

We realise not everyone will respond to this imagery, so we have been accomodating and chosen pictures for your degree.

Law:

Chemistry:

Engineering:

Economics:

 

These images should help to remind you why it is you're here, what you're studying and what job you hope to get at the end of this. 

•  Don't get hungry while you work. Bored of Battenberg? Worry not, we've found another protein rich food that does wonders for the brain. Tasty and handy to take to the library:

• Think about your accessories. We had to stop wearing these ears that react with your brainwaves:
  
   

  
As you can imagine, they gave away our emotions when we saw notable library characters.

We switched to a more appropriate accessory, which we crafted ourselves:

      Were you fooled too?

•  Finally, don't forget to congratulate yourself when it's all over. Why not have a party? You can use our graduation party sign if you like.

With Bells On - Fuck. Graduation Party This Way! - 2011

Send us your essays, sums or stories and we will grade them for you.

Parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus! 

Ciao Ciao
(Miao Miao)
xxx

Give 'Em Hell, Kid

We're very angry today. Livid, livid.

We were rudely interrupted from listening to Fairport Convention's Who Knows Where the Time Goes? by the arrival of our landlord. Our relationship with him has changed over the year. Initially, we warmed to the man but this was ruined by an unpleasant incident on January 20th which involved him explaining to us the exact procedure for lowering the bathroom ceiling FOUR TIMES. Unfortunately the first three times there was a failure on our part to comprehend the situation, a failure clearly evident to him by our glazed expressions.

You can imagine how angry we've been since, when he has attempted to call us. As we now ignore our phones when we see his name, he is forced to turn up unannounced. Today was one of these days when he cruelly came to open our window for us.

We felt like this:

 El Lissitzky's Beat the Whites with the Red Wedge - 1919.

Obviously he assumed the position of the Red Wedge and us, the white circle.

We had to do what we always do when we are this riled up. We got out our letter-of-complaint template to the BBC. We're going to share this with you in case anything has made you angry recently:

We've thought of some instances when you might need to use this letter template:

• When your clip-art is stretched and you don't notice until you've printed out all the documents.
• To complain about the offensive, orange pudding on the Iceland Christmas advert.

• When you realise Rupert Eyles has ruined every song/poem/name by introducing 'proverbial' into your vocabulary:
  
  The answer my friend, is blowing in the proverbial, the answer is blowing in the proverbial
  
  

          O What can ail thee, knight-at-arms
           Alone and proverbially loitering?

• When a 30-something with Cath Kidston-clad children gets out their Amazon kindle.
• When your Spring centre-piece doesn't come together as planned.
• When your graphics program, Paint, fails to co-operate with you on your latest design.

Some people don't go through the BBC for their complaints. Some people write straight to the person who has offended them! Consider this instance when a lady, Jani da Silva, complained directly to us.

One of us had commented on a couple of BBC newsreader George Alagiah's photos:

 

Jani Da Silva was offended by some of these comments. Look how she took action:

 

Tenacious, isn't she?

Then, THIS:

As you can see, things can get vicious if you don't go through the BBC, like we do. If she had followed our BBC template the situation wouldn't have got so out-of-hand!

Make sure, next time you're angry you follow our advice.

Ciao Ciao (Miao Miao}
xxx

We get it on most every night...

One of us had a birthday recently. 

Katie Burch - With Bells On - 2011

Look, we had a party:

Other people have parties too. Sometimes our cold receptions at these have been unjustified. Other times, we deserved it. Follow our tips and see if you are received similarly. 


Before The Party 

• Having people round? Remove all pictures of past and present characters from the fridge. You don't want to reveal your secrets - It's embarrassing! 
• Invest in some party poppers. This isn't specifically a party tip, but we suggest you carry them with you at all times. We do. Use them to liven up boring situations, for example career talks or bus journeys.
• Make the centre-piece. Here's the Summer creation we made if you need inspiration:

Composition no. 14 'Centrepiece - Summer' - 2011.

• It's fine to name the sparkly bird. We named ours Charlie after a character we met at a party. Quaint isn't he?

• Make sure your guests know where to go and what they can expect from your party. Make a sign. You can print out our templates if you don't have time:

With Bells On - Champain Reception! - 2010

With Bells On - Fuck. Party This Way - 2011.

At the Party

• If it's your own bash, get the party started with some good 'meeting and greeting music'. We like:

• Know nothing about Drum and Bass? That's fine, it's shit. If you don't like the music DJ "Danny Byrd" is playing, request something you do like. You could request: Toploader - Dancing in the Moonlight. Don't take no for an answer! Be Tenacious - ask him thrice. 
• Feeling shunned from a party of 'ethical' people sitting on the floor? That's boring. Amuse yourself, obnoxiously.  Loud and inane chatter about your blog should sort this problem out!
• We've devised a quick and fun way to determine the personalities of a whole room full of people in an instant. Blare out the 1986 Casualty theme tune from Spotify. Stand back and watch the reactions. You'll soon know who is your 'type'.
• You want to egg his housemate? Tell him! Better still, tell him several times because you may be slurring.
• Don't worry about the fact they spent a long time making that Spotify playlist, they probably just forgot to include Toploader - Dancing in the Moonlight, so pop it on. Imagine yourself as one of Nigella Lawson's friends and enjoy a glimpse into the future, at your 30-something self.

Meeting New People - How To Deal With It

• Know their name from Facebook? Good start! Go and chat to them. Don't be afraid to use their middle name too.
• Help others to meet new people. Push them together with your hands and encourage them to embrace. Remember, be forceful if they are resisting.
• If you meet someone with a nationality that interests you, think of things associated with their country. Give them nickname options. A Greek man could be: Feta, Zeus or Trident. A Welsh man might be: Caerphilly Cheese, Sheepy, Gwasanaethau Cymdeithasol.
• When you add a new friend on Facebook, include a special message. We suggest picking an August Harrington Mallory quote [see 'Image and Word blog]. We like how luscious and tempting, great physiue, good firm and great skin tone, great balanced and strength, and it looks like you have a birthday coming up this year, well I have just the perfect giftcard for you, you look absolutely beautiful,

The Next Day

• Damage Control. You'll need to apologise for poking them on Facebook when you came home last night. We like to do ours in bed together, listening to folk music and laughing about Time and Thyme. We listen to 'Let No Man Steal Your Thyme' by Pentangle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwT0COKXFMM
• When you've seriously offended someone the night before, it is necessary to send them a nice song. If they're feeling as fragile as you they'll appreciate the softer, acoustic version of Toploader's Dancing in the Moonlight. 

Post us pictures of your parties or centre-pieces, and we'll rate them for you. Good luck! 

Ciao Ciao (Miao Miao)

xxx

Sorting Our Life Out

Look at these eggs:

FABergé ain't they?

Unfortunately, we were forced into an unforeseen text conversation yesterday with a character from the past. Here we are composing a particularly difficult reply:

You might be wondering 'how does this relate to eggs?'.  Well, following this text tussle we immediately began to compile a list of people we would like to egg. Here we are, struggling to prioritise the list:

Will you be on there? You'll have to wait and see!

Anyway, back to today's post.

Today was a very important day. As it's been a week since we finished exams, we thought it was about time to stop messing around and start thinking about our future. After archiving a few things we moved onto documenting.

We tackled an application that has been in the proverbial pipeline for months. We can safely say that we are one step closer to meeting Tim Wonnnacott and the gang of...Bargain Hunt! That's right, we finally did what you've all been waiting for, and applied to Bargain Hunt. We spent the morning in the study reviewing our form:

As you can tell, it was pretty stressful! It was an emotional roller-coaster as we struggled with expressing in words how much Tim and BH mean to us (we usually react by creating art). Needless to say we directed the BBC, twice, to our blog to look at a sample of Wonnacatts. If you're reading this, HI BBC!

Eventually we were very pleased with our application. Here is a small snippet:
 

Look! The BBC told us they got it!

 There's no excuse for not making time in your lives for Bargain Hunt, especially while you wait for us to appear on it. It's a shining example of British television. HI BBC!

If you are interested in egging anybody, please send their name and address to us on a postcard.
Ciao Ciao (Miao Miao)
 xxx 

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and

Sorry, didn't finish the title, we are in a tearing hurry! Some people have lots of time, for example the man in this picture, sent in by one of our fans:

Man on the Tube Wearing Four Watches  2011

Other people do strange things with time, like this:

Salvador Dali The persistence of Memory 1931

YUCK!!

Unlike the lucky people in these examples, we did not have much time today because we went out for breakfast:

With so little time of our own, we are directing you to our good friend Francois, who made another novel use of time:

Francois Vandame Six Minutes of Your Time 2008



Ciao Ciao (Miao Miao)

xxx

Dating Tips

Due to an unforeseen conversation yesterday with a character from the past, we have unfortunately pulled the thinly veiled gossip we had planned for today. Don't despair, it will be unveiled shortly. We know we cannot leave our loyal fans without a post today so we've put together something else you might find useful.

 One way to spend your time after exams is to go on dates. William Hogarth was a man who knew about the perils associated with dating in modern Britain. Look, he drew about it!

Hogarth Before and After 1736

To stop any dating disasters, we will share with you our expertise gleaned from our very real experiences in an easy to digest Do and Don't format:

Do

• Pepper your vocabulary on dates with interesting long words, for example: Proverbial, Genocide, and Tenacity. Make sure you use them incorrectly.
• If your date is 6 ft 8", do consider how this may impact on your facebook profile picture. You don't want it looking like this!

• In the event you need to avoid further dates, let them know you have lost the next month from your calendar so cannot make plans for the near future. These things happen.
• If you meet a man who is extremely holy, one way to make him forget about all that is to pop on a song. Our personal favourite? I see You Baby by Groove Armada. Dance provocatively. He'll be atoning in no time!
• Do choose grinding songs wisely, Celebrate Good Times by Kool and the Gang is not always appropriate.
• If ever there is an awkward silence on your date, do raise your glass to your partner and say "CHEERS". It'll make them feel good. There is no limit on how many times you can do this.  
• Maybe one of your hobbies is making photo montages? Great, good for you! Perhaps consider hiding these from girls.
• If you are a fan of Neil Strauss, and let's face it some of us are, do make it obvious you are following a game plan, some girls find this sexy.
• When you add an attractive stranger on facebook, it is inevitable that at some point you will see them in the flesh. Once this happens, consider your options. We suggest sending this message: "Was it you? It was me." Expect this reply: "I thought so. It was me!"
• When you add your crush's housemate, change your profile photo to a ferocious animal. Your own housemates will probably want to do the same. For dramatic effect, ensure you all add them at precisely the same time.
• Do make sure there is no Cornetto on your face before attempting to woo.
• If you see a man in a club and you want him to be your boyfriend, point at him, and make a thrusting action with your pelvis. This has proven to have a 110% success rate!   
• If you bring a man into your bed, you should consider his comfort. Remove large objects, such as lever-arch files from the bed. But if you forget, not to worry.

Don't

• Don't talk at length about any of the following without encouragement: Lost Prophets, Neighbours, Crabbing, Incest.  
• Don't think you can get away with shoddy spelling, you may offend. For example, "Hey Sweaty!" or "I want to wind and dine you".
• Perhaps 10 messages along these lines "ite hun have 2give us ya num n give us text wen on island :)) xx" will not get you the girl. See the first tip for vocabulary suggestions.
• Thinking of revealing your dating tips on your local radio station? Don't. Create a blog instead.
• If you have recently met a boy and have his number on your phone, keep your male best friend away from your phone. He might text him multiple times with flirty X-factor jargon such as "do you wanna come round and factorise tomo? and then we can physically factorise?" followed by "Sorry mate over-zealous. girls eh? lol. Wagner?"
• If you bring a boy back, it may be detrimental for your two best friends to invite him into their bed instead to join in one of their 3AM binges on 1990s Eastenders episodes.
• Lastly, DO NOT use the internet as an outlet for dissing! Remember: your mama taught you better than that! (see Destiny's Child Survivor 2001 for more useful relationship advice).

Send us details of your success in love on a postcard. Good Luck!

Ciao Ciao (Miao Miao)
xxx

Image and Word

We recently sat an exam called 'Image and Word' where we looked at how text can affect a picture.

For example in William Blake's illustrated book 'Songs of Experience'. Here's his famous Tyger poem:

                    William Blake - The Tyger from Songs of Experience 1794

This is great but what about contemporary instances of text affecting image? We've considered this question and found some interesting examples to make you think about this relationship.  We have done some research into the dark underbelly of female body builders and their male fans. Here are some of our findings, including the initial correspondence to Colette Guimond:

Now for some golden examples of the interplay between image and word:

It is worth noting the following:

 Sweeping character judgements - Dorothy's sense of humour for example, clearly visible from the photograph.

A novel use of punctuation - Ok' Nancy, you have a hard, strong. and firm looking physique here'

Some interesting terminology - What is a latspread for example? The insult Apes' and the lament, I can't seem to break the Ice.

Obvious Tenacity - for example the amount of times Dorothy was complimented about her sense of humour, the letter Iris received [what did it say?!] and the printed photo of Lequida on his wall.

Bizarre observations - Danielle, it looks like you have a birthday coming up this year and Mats' comment on Dallas' muscular legs that it must be a dream, to see them walk!

Hope you found this use of Image and Word enlightening!

Ciao Ciao (Miao Miao)

xxx

Introduction to our artistic aims

We compare the emotions on embarking on our first blog to this from our favourite eighteenth century VNB (Very Naughty Boy):

Henry Fuseli The Artist Moved to Despair by the Grandeur of Ancient Ruins 1778

Luckily we don't need to despair with artitsic melancholia, we are confident our art can stand the proverbial test of time:

Tenacity 2011

Konnichiwa! 2011

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright  2011

These are Wonnocatts! our intention? ease of viewing of our two passions. Tim Wonnacott and Cats. let us know if you would like us to juxtapose anything else.

We are Stella and Katie and in this blog we would like to explain our (often misunderstood) lifestyle through a wide range of art. We feel this might help clarify some matters.

Ciao Ciao (Miao Miao)